Any Self Love Tips for the Virgin?

Okay. I've never had l before. In fact, I've never even had ANYTHING coursing my inters. And I find this really frustrating, because I usually have pretty nice s, but it's rare for me to have a truly satisfying one where I don't finish too quickly. Basically, I feel ually unsatisfied on a whole. I'm not really good at the whole masturbation thing, either. My boyfriend sometimes gives me 'female s', but I can't call it '' because it's oral. So I guess it's external manual . But the thing is, it's through my panties. We've tried to go underneath, but the idea and feeling of his hands being at my bare skin tenses me up. I don't believe it's a trust issue, though, because the same thing happens when I slide a ready-digit down there also. We've also had bare labia-to- action, or 'outercourse', and with gentleness and buildup I was able to . Maybe I just don't like the idea of free wandering hands? I don't know. I'm just really scared to explore my body because I'm squeamish, and I have suspicions that I may be vaginismustic. It's gotten to the point where I can't even pleasure myself at all anymore, and I am relying on him. Any tips to ually calm and empower myself, and be more comfortable with the idea of wandering hands, and possibly someday- GASP-?