What are your thoughts?

I have no need for any of these things surrounding me. I have no need for this dingy apartment which they gave me two years ago. I have no need for this horrid situation I have been thrust into. I don’t need any of this but yet I still take it. I take it like a grumpy old man takes a child’s happiness. I take it so abruptly that I don’t even notice what I am in the midst of. But what am I in the midst of? The commotion outside by dilapidated window? Or the silence of the room that I sit in every day to think about my new life? To be honest, I’m not quite sure what I am in the midst of. All I know is that I am so enticed into this new life that I can’t see clearly anymore. I remember that I used to have thoughts and opinions about different situations. I remember knowing that all I needed was the closeness of another human being. I remember being content. My heart beats quietly at that thought but I’m not sure why. My heart rarely beats genuinely about anything these days. Although I have to force it to beat when I’m around my wife or else she’ll notice the change in me. The change in everything about me. I can hear her footsteps coming from the kitchen and into the room in which I am sitting. She sets down her cup full of coffee and takes a look at me. I feel nervous for some reason when she starts to speak.